#34 Who people think you are, compared to who you really are

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// Over 50 days (or so) I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order.

Today’s post is #34 – who people think you are compared to who you really are

I’m really pushing the ‘over 50 days or so’ part of this challenge but its my challenge so I’ll take as long as I want. You’d think if I was making you wait for it, I’d be giving you something good to read – not so! Lets just get it over with

34Anyway, who people think you are compared to who you really are. Another narcissistic post I reckon. Another opportunity to talk about ME woo hoo.

I honestly don’t know what the answer to this question is, I think I’m very much what you see is what you get!

I had a friend tell me the other night she thought I was very relaxed and had the whole Mum thing under control. Which made me laugh a lot. A LOT. But comments like that make me remember that i need to have some self confidence and remember just because you think or feel like you are a huge goose, not everyone sees you that way. Act the way you want to feel! Or as Anna on the OC says “confidence Cohen”.

There you go – an inspirational post for you all. Act the way you want to feel. You heard it here first.



Now go and be confident! And lets hope my next post is more interesting…

– Jen


#9 Your most excruciatingly embarrassing moment

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// Over 50 days (or so) I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order.

Today’s post is a cracker #9 Your most excruciatingly embarrassing moment. We’ve all got one.

The hard thing about this post was not thinking up something to blog about but deciding WHICH embarrassing thing to blog about. So I picked just a few.

When I look back on most of my life so far I cringe. You know that real stomach tensing, squinty face feeling you get. “Ahhhhh I’m SUCH a dork”.

Thankfully I know that my family and friends just know that being a huge dork is a part of who I am. And if anything I’m good for a laugh..(at).

So. Is my most embarrassing moment the time I was riding my brand new road bike home from the bike shop and fell off? After spending 45 minutes practicing clipping in and out, in and out in and out in the shop with no trouble I proceeded to topple in slow motion onto on a quiet street about 500 metres from home. I got stuck, like a turtle, with both feet still clipped in and was just lying on the road unable to move. I heard a pedestrian say “oh my god” and run over to me and all I could say was “I’m stuck! I’m stuck”.

So embarrassing. But not ‘that’ embarrassing.

What about the time when I was, actually I can’t remember how old I was. Maybe 13 or 14 and I went to the movies with a bunch of friends and it was the start of SHARK WEEK  only I didn’t know. You see where this is going. Only it gets better. So I think the pants I was wearing were a bone kind of colour. So it was pretty obvious that the…sharks were circling. I remember being in the bathroom at the movies thinking “DON’T PANIC…come up with a plan”.

Maybe you could ask that stranger if you could borrow her kids jumper to tie around your waist to slink home in. Oh god Jen that’s so stupid. That’s not going to work!!

And of course we weren’t all just going straight home after the movie, we were supposed to be going out for dinner or something.

In those days no one had mobile phones and probably shark week was a relatively new concept to me, certainly not something I was carrying the required equipment for.

I can’t remember exactly how I got out of the bathroom but I think I got out and said to one of my friends urgently “IhavetogohomeNOW”.

But of course to go home I had to call Mum from a PAYPHONE and try and explain in hushed tones while my friends loitered outside the payphone wondering what on earth was wrong with me. I was FAR too much of a dork to explain what was going on.

Just the thought of it makes me do this face (see photo).


But that’s still not the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me.

In fact, if it weren’t for the man the most embarrassing thing could have been kept a secret but he has told EVERYONE he knows this story, so I might as well share it with you.

This story also involves the movies. I can’t remember what movie it was, but I remember about halfway through the movie I felt cold….down there.

Oh god. I’m making the face again. This is so embarrassing.

I wriggled around a bit and tried to figure out what that sensation was. It was almost like my pants felt wet.

I ignored it. Every now and then I’d think, geez it kind of feels like my pants are wet. But the logic part of my brain (which does not operate effectively) said, well that simply cannot be. Continue to ignore this feeling! Ignore your body!

After all it is not like anything like this has ever happened to you before! (FACEPALM!)

As the movie is finishing I am slowly acknowledging that something IS.NOT.RIGHT.

It was then that I snuck a feel of the back of my pants.

They are indeed wet.

Oh god. Why is this happening to me.

Alright calm down. There must have been a bit of water or something on the seat. Worst case, coke.


Then the smell hit me. I couldn’t quite place the smell.

At first.

Then I realised.

It was pee. There was pee on the seat and I had sat on the seat for the whole movie and now there was pee on me and OH MY GOD!!! Some kid had PEED on the seat. I’m just assuming it was a kid…


Then I had to tell the man. “We need to go home now”.

The Man: What? I thought we were going to go to Nando’s!

Me: My pants are wet, we need to go home, lets go
The man: What? Why are your pants wet what do you mean?
Me: We need to go. We need to go right now.
The man: You’re being funny, let me look, oh they are wet!
Me: *Eyes downcast* I think I sat in wee.

He then proceeded to tell everyone he knew. Everyone we saw after that.

Even to this day “tell them about the time you sat in the chair with piss on it”.

Some people I haven’t even met before say to me “oh yeah The Man was telling us about the time you went to the movies and sat in wee”.

To this day when I go to the movies and sit down I still run my hand over the seat.

Just in case.

You can never be too careful.

Please tell me your embarrassing stories and put me out of my misery..

– Jen

#31 Brain dump – whats on your mind right now

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// Over 50 days (or so) I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order.


Today’s post is #31 – Brain dump, what’s on your mind right now.

You might have noticed I’ve missed a few ’50 things’ posts. Well tough titties, we’ve had a rough fortnight with gastro and some big sleep regression going on. But back to today’s post…

Oh what isn’t on my mind!!

Today its parenting. Sorry to bore my bike/running friends. While up with a screaming teething baby about 6 times a night for the past fortnight, last night I got thinking..

What kind of parent would I be without the Internet?

I’m not talking so much about not being able to google things, more about what I’m exposed to on ‘the socials’ (blogs, Facebook, twitter and instagram). There is so much ‘advice’ out there and I find it’s some of the gentle parenting pages especially who give me unrealistic expectations of myself!

Which leads me back to my question. Without the internet and the knowledge that things like ‘gentle parenting’ even existed what kind of parent would I be?

I thought about it and came to this stunning conclusion!

Wait for it…

I would be exactly the same only I wouldn’t feel guilty about it!

For example, although I know that stopping breastfeeding when I did was best for my health (both mental and nipple), the guilt still plagues me! A gentle parent would have perservered, and would never have stopped for ‘themselves’. So if I didn’t know all of this uber breastfeeding stuff existed then the guilt just wouldn’t be there!

Having said that I did make it to 6.5 months which I can’t really fathom after how terrible the first 6 weeks were.

But, as I reason with myself – you need to look after yourself to look after your baby.

I’ve unfollowed some of the pages and accounts because I just don’t need to read about ridiculous things like how holding your child upside down stops them having tantrums.

THIS WAS A REAL THING I READ. You know what I think happens when you hold your child upside down when they’re having a tantrum?

You get kicked in the face.

Having said that, before I lose any readers that support upside down parenting there is holding your child upside down, and then there’s lots of good advice I might not have otherwise known that is realistic! And if you are one of those people who hold your child upside down when they have a tantrum please send me a video!!

But seriously, I get so confused.

I’m hoping the whole 8 month sleep regression IS a real thing and its just that, and that in a couple of weeks it too will have passed and things will return to normal-ish.

I don’t mind getting up to feed him once a night (although I don’t honestly think he’s hungry even then) but 2-3 times a night + multiple resettling attempts is getting old fast!

In any case in 5 weeks or so we are booked into Masada in Melbourne for some help. Very much looking forward to some support. And, getting back to the point of this post I wouldn’t have known they existed if it weren’t for the internet!

Would love to hear your thoughts though! Has the internet and all the advice out there changed the way you parent?

– Jen

#33 – Bad habits. Share yours and why you won’t give it up. Ever.

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// For the next 50 days I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order.

Today’s post is #33 – Bad habits. Share yours and why you won’t give it up. Ever.


I really need to remember to think outside the box with these questions. This one was quite simple in the end but this question has had me stumped for weeks!

I have MANY bad habits, biting my fingernails being the first one that springs to mind. But I have stopped doing it properly TWICE, once before our wedding and for some strange reason while I was pregnant and even got to little man being a few months old before I resumed nibbling.

I live in hope that one day I will stop permanently! So that’s not something I will say I won’t give up – ever!

Next bad habit. Procrastinating! I used to be terrible at this, or do I mean I used to be really good at this? I even took up guitar once to avoid uni assignments! I am all over this now though! For example my current challenge is staying on top of our washing, and I regularly create my own Mount Washmore of washed clothes to fold and sort. Pre baby I would ignore the pile of dirty washing until I was left with no clothes and now I aim for ‘washing basket zero’, the stay at home Mum version of ‘inbox zero’.

So what is it that I can’t give up?

My crippling social media use. I fully admit I love social media. Not sure how I’d be going at home all day with a baby without it!

I have given it up for probably 4-6 weeks a couple of times before, and could do it again but right now its going to count as my bad habit I’m not giving up! I’m not using Twitter much at the moment but am going gangbusters on facebook and instagram.

Facebook I use to stay in touch with my mothers group and also some friends that have recently had babies via a secret group so we can chat about mundane things like ‘WHY OH WHY WILL THEY NOT GO TO SLEEP’ without boring the rest of the world..to sleep.

I’m also linking my blog posts to my facebook page ‘jentopia’. I try and do most of my baby related status updates on this page to keep my personal page free.

I’m conscious though that as little man gets bigger I don’t want to be stuck with my nose in my phone all day, it would be awful for him to think I’m ignoring him. I’d say that as he gets mobile and starts crawling that I will start curtailing my phone/computer use.

So that’s my bad habit! What about you? Is social media overuse your bad habit?

– Jen

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogging to bring you…

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We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogging to bring you…SPEWSAPALOOZA 2014!

We’ve all been struck down with gastro and I’ve had no time to blog as I’ve been looking after a baby who looks like this all day (and all night). Also accompanied by a really annoying ‘urrrrrrrrr’ ‘urrrrrrr’ ‘urrrrrrrr’ noise. To make it more fun the man was away for work!


I ended up going to emergency on Friday as little man was just vomiting repeatedly and not taking any fluids on (just a few ml of water here and there).


I coped pretty well with him on my own all day until about 5pm when the ‘urrrrr’ ‘urrrrrr’ ‘urrrrrrr’ noise got a bit much and I phoned a friend, or my Mum to be more exact. And I didn’t call her, I texted her.

By about 6pm that night I started feeling very average myself and ended up opening the technicolour fire hydrant in the hospital carpark. Even more disgusting was that I got puke on my shoe (it’s okay, it washed out).

Thankfully when I’d started feeling it coming on the doctor also gave me some maxalon which I took when I got home and stopped me making anymore pavement pizza.

Mum very kindly came and stayed on Friday night and looked after us both and delivered me some delicious soup (see photo below) on Saturday which helped a lot! Unfortunately she is now praying to the porcelain gods herself. Three generations of germs! Sorry Mum!


Seriously though this soup is amazing. Add the soup to a saucepan then fill the can with milk, add to the ‘soup’, heat and serve with toast and butter. I’m sure its full of nasties but its my ultimate comfort food.

Little man is on the mend but is still mostly refusing bottles, I managed to get 60ml into him before bed tonight and that was a battle. I suspect he might also be teething which doesn’t help!

Anyway, a pretty good excuse not to be keeping up with my ’50 things to post about’. I should resume regular programming in the next couple of days!

Until then, stay well and try not to paint the town green!

– Jen

#4 the day you left home

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// For the next 50 days I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order

Today’s post is #4 the day I left home.

When I was in year 11 and 12 I had no idea what I wanted to do when I grew up, I thought maybe I would like to be a journalist. But when I found out the journalism course was in Bathurst which meant moving away from home I couldn’t bear the thought of it so I did a degree from Albury.

I KNOW. What a muppet!!

So I stayed at home for the first couple of years of uni, not paying any board and because I’d never lived out of home before everything continued as normal, I’m pretty sure my Mum still did my washing and I still got cranky when I had to be askedto unpack the dishwasher!!!


I had been contemplating moving out with some friends from uni, probably because I was getting sick of being asked to do jobs. I was too chicken to bring it up with either of my parents, although I doubt they would have argued much!

The catalyst for me making the call was an argument with my Mum. She had just got a new laptop, her OWN laptop and I was helping her set it up. I’m sure she would agree that she is quite ‘particular’ about some things and that day it was the laptop.

I was whizzing through the setup when she caught sight of me clicking something on the screen, I think it was a message about the touchpad setup and I clicked the ‘click here to never see this again’ button.

“What was that!”
“That thing, that thing you just clicked”
“What? I don’t know, some..thing, it’s not important”..
“Well get it BACK”
“I CAN’T, I clicked here to never see it again”.

*cue meltdown* (from Mum)

After that I had the courage to tearfully tell Mum I was packing up and moving out of home.

She came and inspected my new digs after I’d been there for a week or so. Her only comment was that it was ‘big’. It was hideous!!

To her credit she ignored the enormous cracks in the walls that only got bigger over the years, the slightly musty smell from the laundry, the black mould in the bathroom and who knows what else I didn’t notice!

That’s all from me today – will give Mum the right of reply in the comments!

– Jen

Here’s the street view in case you were interested



– Jen

#40 The menu for your last meal ever

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// For the next 50 days I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order

Today’s post is #40 the menu for your last ever meal! Or last meal ever…

Far out! This is just getting too hard! And slightly depressing what with my last day ever and now my last meal.

Last meal ever…righto!

Lets start with a beer. I’m not going to get fancy, just give me a Jimmy Boags. – Premium because nobody likes Boags Draught. It is revolting stuff. The man accidentally bought a slab last time I asked him to buy Boags – honestly do I have to do everything myself? I drank it…grudgingly after I made it known I was not impressed.

Ahem. Back to the food…

For entrée it would have to be my Nan’s vegetable soup. Its vegetable soup with a bacon hock in it so not a vegetarian vegetable soup! And its amazing. I can’t eat too much of it though because I went a bit crazy with the mains.

Mains: Hmmm this was tough. Sticking with the Nan theme I have thought long and hard about this and I would really like some of Nan’s smoked cod! We have it on Good Friday, just the girls because the smell makes Dad want to vomit. Yep. So Nan’s smoked cod and with cauliflower and white sauce. So far I’m making my 81 year old Nan do all the cooking. Good stuff.


Seeing I can eat as much as I want I will also have some of the man’s homemade chicken schnitzel, get him in the kitchen too. Its pretty awesome! While we’re at it I’ll throw Mum into the kitchen and she can do her cheese and onion pie and home made potato cakes. Dad can get busy and knock up some oysters kilpatrick. I can sit back and watch.

That’s a lot of beer kind of food. But I’m not missing out on some wine with my last meal so lets open a bottle of Bobbie Burns. The man offered a bottle to take with me on Friday night when I went down to a friends place for drinks (mothers group aka girls gone wild) and I turned it down in favour of some vinegar we bought in Tassie which was nice in 2011 but has obviously turned!

Dessert – Nan’s pecan pie. For second dessert Shell can cook up some of the white wings maple pecan slice she used to make for school lunches. Gee that was good! Back in the days when you could take nuts and sugar to school.

After that I will have a break then have some dark chocolate and some really good muscat.

And after that…after that I will probably die from eating too much. Is that irony? I can never tell.

– Jen


#11 Your celebrity dinner party

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Today’s post is #11 your celebrity dinner party – who would you invite?

The first person I’d invite is the man because he will be pissed if he finds out I had a dinner party and didn’t invite him, especially when he sees who the first celebrity I’m inviting is. Also it will be at our place so might be awkward if he’s fluffing around in the kitchen while I’m trying to get dinner for my guests ready.

So the first celebrity is Jens Voigt. Did you just say “who”? I’m disappointed.

Sigh. Click here, read – then come back.

So the man and I both love watching him in le tour and geez he is funny but also seems like such a nice guy. You can just about bet if the commentator says “there’s a breakaway” – the Jensie will feature.

I read some great Jens quotes today:

Of course the most famous one is ‘shutup legs’ but I didn’t know the rest of it, ‘shutup legs, do what I tell you to do’, and in his accent its even funnier.

But then there’s also “If you go (with a break), you can either win or not win. If you don’t go for it, you definitely won’t win”. Very true, Jens, very true!

Along the lines of the joke Chuck Norris ‘facts’ are some Jens ones and this one from Cycling Tips made the man giggle so you know its funny.

Jens once challenged Lance Armstrong to see who had more testicles. Jens won by 5.

See, very funny! Here is a video of him, I could listen to him talk all day!

There are other cyclists I’d like to invite but then I think they will just talk shop amongst themselves and ignore everyone else, of course this shop talk would be interesting too I guess. Simon Gerrans would be great, he seems lovely and of course Cadel! They all seem like nice boys.

The next person I would invite would be Hugh Jackman. He would sit next to the man so I can convince him once and for all he does NOT look like Hugh. He has a touch of Wolverine about him and that’s it.

If the cycling boys are there then Hugh needs some actor friends so I would also invite Ricky Gervais, Kate Winslet and Leslie Mann and Sigrid Thornton.

Ricky and Kate because I loved them in Extras (and Ricky in The Office of course), could you ever have imagined Kate Winslet saying ‘purple headed womb ferret’ before?

Leslie Mann and Sigrid Thornton because they’re my girl crushes. I love anything they’re in and I think they’d would both be quite fun to have at a party. I would question Sigrid about Diver Dan and Max in Seachange and also about All the Rivers Run.

There you have it! My celebrity dinner party.

Who would you invite?

– Jen

#38 What do you want to be when you grow up

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// For the next 50 days I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order

Today’s post is #38 what you want to be when you grow up (there’s still time)

Oh I still don’t know what I want to be ‘when I grow up’.

There are two avenues I think I would like to pursue but both are difficult to just go and ‘do’. I am in a great position with my current job, I do enjoy it and the pay and conditions are really really good making it difficult to justify pursuing something else.inspry

So its not like I hate my job and am desperately seeking a career change but if I could do anything I would like to do some kind of allied health job like a physiotherapy or maybe osteopathy or myotherapy. I had no interest in anything like that when I was in high school but its something I’m really interested in now and something I think I would be good at too!

So whats stopping me? Well like I said, its hard to step away from my job but also, both those things means time back at uni, and quite a lot of time too.  I’m not even sure if its something you can do as a mature aged student.

Of course there are other occupations similar to a physio or osteo I could look at such as a massage therapist or maybe something like a personal trainer although that doesn’t interest me quite as much.

I feel like I might have missed the boat on that one – but then sometimes I think – you only have one life and you should do something you love, take chances etc….aaaargh. I’ve been reading too many inspirational quotes on instagram!

The other thing I often contemplate is even riskier. I would like to work in a café and make coffee, that’s part A! Yes I would like to be a barista. So I think maybe I should do a barista course. Part B is opening my own café. It’s a funny thing to want to do but I think about it a lot! I would follow my all important ‘how to judge if a café has good coffee rules’ too.

So there you go. Two crazy ideas on what  I might like to be when I ‘grow up’.

What about you?


– Jen

#48 The top five blogs you just can’t get enough of!

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// For the next 50 days I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order

Today’s post is #48 – the top 5 blogs I just can’t get enough of!

top5This should be fun and not too taxing on my poor head. I’m feeling quite seedy after going on a mothers group drinking rampage last night…honestly, those mothers can drink. We have good reason to as well!

Number 1: Woogsworld

Woogsworld  is one of my favourite blogs to read, even though I’m pretty late to the party only coming across it late last year. Don’t know how I missed it! Anyway Mrs Woog is laugh out loud funny and her tagline ‘making the most of the mundane’ is bang on.

Here’s a couple of recent posts that made me laugh:

Morning challenges
Angry Birds

Number 2: The Veggie Mama

I’m enjoying reading her blog even more now she’s living in Melbourne. Great recipes as well. Another ‘real’ blogger.

Here are some posts of hers that I have enjoyed:

Two under two – how did I do it
Conversations in cars

Number 3: Eat Train Laugh

Another thing these bloggers all have in common is that they all post regularly! Evalin blogs about her training and races and I enjoy reading about her progress towards goals. Unlike a lot of other athletes blogs her posts are more than just race reports, although I loved reading her race reports on her ironman races!

Link to 2014 Ironman race report here and 2013 report here

Number 4: The Climbing Cyclist

I’ve been reading the Climbing Cyclist for quite awhile, probably about the time I started getting into cycling and realised I liked hills! Then when I started doing alpine climbs I’d pop over to the site, have a read of what I was about to climb and then annoy whoever I was climbing with by spouting off tidbits of information about the climb i.e. “did you know the Mt Hotham climb is 30kms long, and you can break the ride down into three sections, the first bit up to The Meg, then the middle 10kms featuring a false flat section and then the last 10kms which include CRB hill which is HIDEOUS”. Love it.

The blog side of it details trips or special rides and often guest posts from other cyclists. Usually a bit longer, great to read over brekky or lunch!

Here is a recent post about Mt Donna Buang that I enjoyed – link here

Number 5: Retromummy 

We don’t have much in common Mrs Retromummy and I, she has 7 kids with another soon to arrive. She’s very crafty too! Not in a devious way, in a quilting way. But I love her blog, the layout and design is awesome as well its so clean and crisp and she has amazing photos.

Here are some of my favourite recent Retromummy posts:

Quick things to sew for a baby
Clean first then you can craft (reminds me of someone I know!)

So there you are my top 5 blogs!

– Jen