// Over 50 days (or so) I am doing Fat Mum Slim’s 50 things to blog about challenge – in no particular order.
Today’s post is a cracker #9 Your most excruciatingly embarrassing moment. We’ve all got one.
The hard thing about this post was not thinking up something to blog about but deciding WHICH embarrassing thing to blog about. So I picked just a few.
When I look back on most of my life so far I cringe. You know that real stomach tensing, squinty face feeling you get. “Ahhhhh I’m SUCH a dork”.
Thankfully I know that my family and friends just know that being a huge dork is a part of who I am. And if anything I’m good for a laugh..(at).
So. Is my most embarrassing moment the time I was riding my brand new road bike home from the bike shop and fell off? After spending 45 minutes practicing clipping in and out, in and out in and out in the shop with no trouble I proceeded to topple in slow motion onto on a quiet street about 500 metres from home. I got stuck, like a turtle, with both feet still clipped in and was just lying on the road unable to move. I heard a pedestrian say “oh my god” and run over to me and all I could say was “I’m stuck! I’m stuck”.
So embarrassing. But not ‘that’ embarrassing.
What about the time when I was, actually I can’t remember how old I was. Maybe 13 or 14 and I went to the movies with a bunch of friends and it was the start of SHARK WEEK only I didn’t know. You see where this is going. Only it gets better. So I think the pants I was wearing were a bone kind of colour. So it was pretty obvious that the…sharks were circling. I remember being in the bathroom at the movies thinking “DON’T PANIC…come up with a plan”.
Maybe you could ask that stranger if you could borrow her kids jumper to tie around your waist to slink home in. Oh god Jen that’s so stupid. That’s not going to work!!
And of course we weren’t all just going straight home after the movie, we were supposed to be going out for dinner or something.
In those days no one had mobile phones and probably shark week was a relatively new concept to me, certainly not something I was carrying the required equipment for.
I can’t remember exactly how I got out of the bathroom but I think I got out and said to one of my friends urgently “IhavetogohomeNOW”.
But of course to go home I had to call Mum from a PAYPHONE and try and explain in hushed tones while my friends loitered outside the payphone wondering what on earth was wrong with me. I was FAR too much of a dork to explain what was going on.
Just the thought of it makes me do this face (see photo).
But that’s still not the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me.
In fact, if it weren’t for the man the most embarrassing thing could have been kept a secret but he has told EVERYONE he knows this story, so I might as well share it with you.
This story also involves the movies. I can’t remember what movie it was, but I remember about halfway through the movie I felt cold….down there.
Oh god. I’m making the face again. This is so embarrassing.
I wriggled around a bit and tried to figure out what that sensation was. It was almost like my pants felt wet.
I ignored it. Every now and then I’d think, geez it kind of feels like my pants are wet. But the logic part of my brain (which does not operate effectively) said, well that simply cannot be. Continue to ignore this feeling! Ignore your body!
After all it is not like anything like this has ever happened to you before! (FACEPALM!)
As the movie is finishing I am slowly acknowledging that something IS.NOT.RIGHT.
It was then that I snuck a feel of the back of my pants.
They are indeed wet.
Oh god. Why is this happening to me.
Alright calm down. There must have been a bit of water or something on the seat. Worst case, coke.
WORST. CASE. COKE.
Then the smell hit me. I couldn’t quite place the smell.
Then I realised.
It was pee. There was pee on the seat and I had sat on the seat for the whole movie and now there was pee on me and OH MY GOD!!! Some kid had PEED on the seat. I’m just assuming it was a kid…
WHY!! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!
Then I had to tell the man. “We need to go home now”.
The Man: What? I thought we were going to go to Nando’s!
Me: My pants are wet, we need to go home, lets go
The man: What? Why are your pants wet what do you mean?
Me: We need to go. We need to go right now.
The man: You’re being funny, let me look, oh they are wet!
Me: *Eyes downcast* I think I sat in wee.
The man: *Eyes wide*….BAH HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
He then proceeded to tell everyone he knew. Everyone we saw after that.
Even to this day “tell them about the time you sat in the chair with piss on it”.
Some people I haven’t even met before say to me “oh yeah The Man was telling us about the time you went to the movies and sat in wee”.
To this day when I go to the movies and sit down I still run my hand over the seat.
Just in case.
You can never be too careful.
Please tell me your embarrassing stories and put me out of my misery..